Hey hi,
Want to know what your future self would tell you if you could sit down for coffee with them right now?
Real talk: They're not some perfect version of you who has it all figured out. They're you, just on the other side of the patterns you keep repeating.
And here's what nobody's telling you: They've been waiting for you to ask these questions.
Because the answers? They're already inside you.
Here's What's Really Happening
You're living in the space between who you are and who you're meant to be. And that gap? It's exhausting.
You think if you work harder, stay in control more, get everything just so...
THEN you'll finally feel worthy.
THEN you'll give yourself permission to breathe.
THEN you'll allow yourself to want what you actually want.
But here's the truth: Your future self isn't waiting for perfect. They're waiting for you to be honest.
The Questions That Change Everything
These aren't gentle coaching questions. These are the ones that sting a little, because they should.
Question 1: What story about yourself did you finally stop repeating to set yourself free?
You know the one. The story you tell yourself when you're exhausted but can't stop. When you say yes when you mean no. When you stay small to make others comfortable.
Is it "I have to do it all myself"? OR is it "If I'm not perfect, I'm not enough"?
Question 2: What scared you the most, but changed everything once you did it anyway?
You're standing at the edge right now. You know exactly what needs to happen. But you're terrified.
Are you scared of failing? OR are you afraid of succeeding and realizing you could have done this years ago?
Question 3: What version of me had to die so you could finally breathe?
The people-pleaser who said yes to everything? The perfectionist who couldn't delegate? The woman who built her worth on being indispensable?
Which version of you is suffocating the woman you're meant to be?
Question 4: What did you stop pretending you didn't want?
The time to yourself. The help you desperately need. The permission to not have it all together. The space to just be human.
What are you telling yourself you can't have—that you actually need to survive?
Question 5: What did you stop tolerating?
The overwhelm that's become your normal? The constant mental load? The feeling that you're running on empty while everyone else is full?
OR the judgment—your own or others'—that keeps you stuck in patterns that are killing you?
Question 6: If you could tell me one thing about this current chapter, what would you say I'm missing?
Your future self sees what you can't see yet. She knows the truth you're avoiding. She understands what you're sacrificing by staying here.
What is she desperately trying to tell you?
Question 7: If you were back in my shoes for one day, what changes would you make immediately?
Not the big, scary ones. The simple shifts. The boundaries. The single "no" that would change everything.
What would she do differently—right now, today?
Why This Matters So Much
Here's what your future self knows that you don't yet:
You're not broken. You're not too much. You're not falling behind.
You're just exhausted from carrying stories that were never yours to begin with. From running yourself into the ground trying to prove your worth. From pretending you don't want what you desperately need.
And that version of you who has it all together? She's crushing herself to maintain it. OR she's barely holding on and terrified someone will notice.
Here's what nobody's telling you: You're already good enough. You don't have to earn the right to be human.
Here's How:
Step 1: Get honest. Pull out your journal. Turn off your phone. Give yourself 30 minutes.
Step 2: Answer the questions. Not the sanitized, pretty versions. The real, uncomfortable, "oh crap that's actually true" answers.
Step 3: Read what you wrote. Look at it. Feel it. Notice what comes up.
Real-Life Practice
Let's try one together:
Question: What did you stop pretending you didn't want?
You think: "I should be able to handle this all myself."
You catch it: "Wait—do I actually believe that, or am I just scared of what asking for help means?"
The truth: You're terrified that needing help means you're weak. That if you can't do it all, you've failed.
The shift: Needing help doesn't mean you're not enough. It means you're human. And your future self? She stopped running herself into the ground trying to prove otherwise.
What Changes When You Do This
You stop running from yourself. You start seeing the patterns for what they are—protection mechanisms that stopped working years ago.
You give yourself permission to want what you want.
To need what you need.
To be imperfect and still worthy.
You show up differently. As a leader. As a partner. As yourself.
And you finally exhale. That's where this all starts.
Let's Get Real
Right now, pick ONE of these seven questions. The one that made your stomach drop. The one you want to skip over.
Got it? Good.
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write whatever comes up. Don't edit. Don't make it pretty. Just write.
Then read it. Look at it. Feel it.
Whatever your answer reveals—that's where you need to focus this week. That's the pattern begging to be broken. That's your future self trying to get your attention.
Every time you feel that familiar exhaustion, that overwhelm, that sense of running on empty—pause. Ask yourself: "What would my future self say about this choice?"
Watch how everything shifts.
The Bottom Line
You're not stuck. You're standing at a crossroads, and your future self is on the other side, cheering you on.
She's not disappointed in you. She's proud of you for finally asking the questions.
Those stories you keep repeating? The ones that are crushing you? It's time to put them down.
Your future self doesn't need you to be perfect. She just needs you to be brave enough to be honest. About what you want. What you need. Who you really are.
Start today. Right now. Ask yourself one question and tell yourself the truth.
That's where the real power is.
XOXO,
Tonya
Here's How We Can Work Together:
→ Ready to stop running yourself into the ground? Let's create your personal blueprint for success without the exhaustion. Email me at hello@tonyakay.co. Let's make a tiny little change —you'll thank yourself later.
