The Surprising Truth About What Others Think
Hey there, hi
Can we talk about perceptions for a minute?
This might just change the way you see yourself and others—and the roles we play in each other’s stories.
You know what I’ve been thinking lately? How we’re all stars in our own lives but supporting characters in everyone else’s.
And here’s the mind-blowing part: most of the time, it’s not even about us.
Think about this.
In some people’s stories, you’re the hero - the one who always shows up, who’s got it all together. (this one always feels good)
In others, you might be the villain - too busy, too successful, too… something. (Hmmm, it's always something, right?)
But here’s the real truth: none of these roles show who you really are. And more importantly, they’re not even about you at all.
*When someone sees your success as intimidating, it’s about their own insecurities.
*When they call your enthusiasm too much, it’s about their own comfort zone.
*When they label your boundaries as selfish, it’s about their own expectations.
WOWZERS, that’s a new way to think about it, isn’t it?
To realize that their perception of you is more about them than it is about you? This is HUGE (and, it's a game-changer)
But here’s where it gets tricky
We often filter how we show up, trying to manage these perceptions. We play small or overcompensate. We try to be everything to everyone.
Exhausting, right? (it makes me tired just thinking about it)
The Real Cost of Taking Everything Personally (the hard truth)
When we make everything about us, we pay a hefty price:
We second-guess our decisions, wondering how they’ll be perceived
We exhaust ourselves trying to manage everyone’s reactions
We dim our light to make others comfortable
We carry the weight of responsibilities that aren’t ours to bear
Sound familiar? I thought so. (the last one for me especially)
Here’s the thing: this habit doesn’t just affect our business decisions—it seeps into every area of our lives.
With our adult children, we might take their life choices as a reflection of our parenting.
With our aging parents, we might interpret their needs as judgments on our caregiving.
With our partners, we might see their moods as reactions to something we did or didn’t do.
But what if we could break free from this pattern? What if we could see situations more clearly by recognizing when something truly isn’t about us?
The Liberation Toolkit: Discover the 3 Steps to Freedom
STEP 1 - The Perception Pause
The next time you feel that familiar sting of taking something personally, try this:
Pause and take a deep breath Ask yourself: “Is this actually about me, or could something else be going on?” Consider what might be happening in the other person’s world Remember a time when your reaction to someone had more to do with your own stuff than with them
This simple pause can create space between stimulus and response—where your freedom lives.
STEP 2 - The 80/20 Perspective Shift
Try this mindset on for size:
About 80% of how people respond to you is about what’s happening in their world. Only about 20% is actually about you or your actions.
This isn’t about dodging responsibility—it’s about right-sizing it.
When your team member seems frustrated, maybe it’s 80% about their morning commute, their worried thoughts about a sick parent, or their own insecurities—and 20% about your feedback.
When your adult child seems distant, perhaps it’s 80% about their own life challenges and 20% about your relationship.
How might this 80/20 perspective change how you show up?
STEP 3 - The Energy Reclamation Practice
All that energy you’ve been spending analyzing what others think? It’s time to reclaim it.
Try this exercise:
List three recent situations where you took something personally
For each one, write down: “If this isn’t about me, what could it be about?”
Now, the most important part: “What could I do with the energy I’d reclaim if I didn’t make this about me?”
Maybe you’d: - Finally take that class you’ve been putting off - Be more present with your loved ones - Launch that new initiative without worrying about perfect timing - Simply enjoy a moment of peace
Your “It’s Not About Me” Challenge
Over the next week, I challenge you to:
Catch yourself when you start making something about you that likely isn’t. Apply the Perception Pause - See what changes when you shift to the 80/20 perspective
Notice how much energy you reclaim. (trust me on this)
Remember, you are not responsible for how others see you—only for how you see yourself and how you choose to show up in the world.
STOP - READ THAT AGAIN!!!
You are not just a character in someone else’s narrative. You are the author of your own beautiful, messy, perfectly imperfect story.
Want to dive deeper into this journey of self-discovery and authentic living? I’ve created something special just for you. It’s a guide called “The Circle of Control: Understanding How to Reclaim Your Story.”
It’s yours, free, because I believe in you and the incredible journey you’re on.
DOWNLOAD Your FREE Guide ⬅️
You’ve got this. Let’s reclaim your energy and your story, one perception shift at a time.
Remember, it’s not about fitting into their stories - it’s about living truthfully in your own.
Chat soon!
XOXO
Tonya
→3 Ways to Elevate Your Life (For Real)
→Become the next-level version of who you’re meant to be. Ditch the Perfectionism Paralysis. It’s time to embrace ‘good enough’ and actually enjoy your success. Email me: hello@tonyakay.co
→Master the Art of Purposeful Productivity. Because being busy isn’t the same as being fulfilled, my friend. Embrace Impact over Hustle. Book a call and let’s talk about what matters.
→Lead with Authenticity (No Power Suit Required). Discover your unique leadership style and watch your influence soar. → Book a “True North Strategy” session (Let’s map out your path to purposeful impact)