Hey friend,
You know that feeling when you're trying to explain something to someone and... they just don't get it?
So you try again.
Different words.
Different angle.
Days later, you're still thinking about it. "Why don't they see this?"
What if that feeling is trying to tell you something?
Here's What's Happening
When we can't let go of needing someone to understand us, we're protecting something underneath.
From the inside, it just feels like: "They're not listening."
But what's really happening? You're holding onto something else entirely.
You're In One Of Two Camps
Camp 1: You need their agreement to feel okay. If they don't understand, you'll have to question yourself.
Camp 2: You're so clear on your perspective that disagreement feels personal. Like they're rejecting YOU, not just your point.
Either way, you can't let go.
What You're Actually Protecting
Your sense of value (their agreement = you're right)
Your identity (you're the person who knows, who's certain)
Your safety (if you're wrong, everything feels unstable)
So you hold on. Tighter and tighter.
But here's the truth: Sometimes people DO understand. They just don't agree.
And that's okay. (trust me on this one)
That's actually growth.
Growth is when you don't need to be heard to feel valid, when you learn to understand that we don't all have to see things the same way.
We GET TO view things differently.
Real confidence doesn't need agreement.
How To Let Go
Notice when you're in it.โ
When you catch yourself thinking "They just don't understand" for the third time - that's your signal.
Name what you're protecting.โ
Ask: "What happens if I let this go?"
Do this right now.โ
Think of ONE person who doesn't understand something you've been trying to explain.
Say out loud:
"[Their name] gets to see this completely differently than I do. And I'm still okay."
Feel that? That's freedom.
Release it physically.โ
This week, when you catch yourself about to re-explain for the third time - STOP.
Take a breath.
Say: "They get to see this differently." Then walk away.
Don't explain one more time. Don't clarify.
Just let it go.
The Challenge
Right now:
Write down ONE thing you've been trying to make someone understand.
Say: "I'm letting this go. They get to see it differently."
Rip up the paper.
Notice how you feel tomorrow when you're not carrying it anymore.
Ready For Your Breakthrough?
Let's talk: [SCHEDULE A CALL] or email: hello@tonyakay.co
XOXO,
Tonya
P.S. What did you let go of? Hit reply and tell me.
(โยดโก`โ) Paradise , Boise, ID 83705
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