Hey friend,

Want to know the real reason you keep telling yourself you'll do that thing "once I have more time/money/clarity/[insert excuse here]"?

Your overthinking isn't about being thorough.

It's about staying in control. (ouch)

Here's something no one is telling you: All that thinking you're doing? It's not moving you forward. It's keeping you safe from having to trust yourself.

Real talk: Every time you say "I just need to..." or "Once I have..." you're choosing the exhaustion of endless planning over the risk of actually doing.

And yeah, I see you. This is about YOU.

Why You Can't Stop Thinking

Here's what's actually happening when you overthink:

You're trying to control the outcome. If you think it through from every angle, map out every possibility, plan for every scenario—maybe, just maybe, you can guarantee it works.

You're used to figuring everything out yourself. You've been the one who handles it, solves it, makes it work. So, of course, you think you need to have it all figured out before you start.

You don't trust yourself to handle whatever happens. What if something goes wrong? What if you make a mistake? What if it's harder than you thought? Better to stay in your head where you can control everything.

You're exhausted. And thinking feels safer than doing. It feels productive. It feels like progress. But it's not. It's just keeping you busy without requiring you to be brave.

Sound familiar?

Here's What This Looks Like

When you say "I need more clarity before I start":

You're trying to see the entire path before you take the first step because you don't trust yourself to figure it out as you go.

OR

You're so depleted that the mental work feels less risky than the actual work.

When you say "I just need to do more research":

You're trying to eliminate all uncertainty before you move because you can't imagine starting without having it all mapped.

OR

You're so tired that gathering information feels easier than taking action.

When you say "I'll start when things settle down":

You're waiting for perfect conditions because you don't trust yourself to navigate imperfect ones.

OR

You're so overwhelmed that thinking about it feels manageable, while doing it feels impossible.

See the pattern? It's all the same mechanism with different masks.

"Stop waiting to feel ready. Ready is not a feeling. It's a decision."   ​

Here's What's Really Happening

You're overthinking because deep down, you believe if you just think hard enough, plan well enough, prepare thoroughly enough—you can control the outcome.

But here's the truth bomb: You can't think your way to certainty. You can only act your way there.

That overthinking is keeping you stuck in an exhausting loop:

You don't trust yourself → So you try to control everything → Which requires endless thinking → Which depletes your energy → Which makes action feel too risky → So you think more.

And the cycle continues. (it's exhausting)

But here's what you might not realize: Your need for control isn't just exhausting you. It's exhausting everyone around you.

Your partner feels it when you can't make a decision without analyzing it to death.

Your kids feel it when you micromanage instead of letting them figure it out.

Your team feels it when you can't delegate because you need to control how everything gets done.

Your friends feel it when every plan requires seventeen contingencies.

That thing you think is protecting you? It's actually costing you connection.

The certainty you're looking for only comes AFTER you take action, not before.

The real power move? Trust yourself to handle whatever happens instead of trying to prevent everything that could.

​

Real Life Example You think: "I need to have the entire business plan mapped before I launch." Ask yourself: "What am I really afraid of? That I'll fail? That people will judge me? And if that happened—what's the worst that would actually occur?" The shift: You'd learn, adjust, and keep going. You've handled hard things before. Start with the first step.

How to Actually Break This Cycle

Step 1: Ask the real question. When you catch yourself overthinking, ask: "What am I actually afraid of? And what's the worst that could really happen?"

Step 2: Reality check it. Most of the time, the worst-case scenario isn't nearly as catastrophic as your brain is making it. And even if it happened—you'd handle it.

Step 3: Take one action without a guarantee. Start before you're ready. Trust yourself to figure it out as you go.

What Changes

You get to stop carrying the weight of trying to control everything it will change your life.

You build trust with yourself. Every time you move without having it all figured out, you prove to yourself that you can handle it.

You free up the energy you've been spending on endless mental gymnastics. Imagine what you could do with that.

Your relationships shift. When you stop needing to control everything, people can breathe around you. Your partner feels trusted. Your team feels empowered. Your kids learn resilience. Your friends relax.

You show up differently. As a leader who trusts herself. As a person who takes imperfect action. As someone who creates space for others instead of controlling everything.

​

Real Life Example You think: "Once I know exactly how this will unfold, THEN I'll make a decision." Ask yourself: "What's the worst thing that happens if I choose wrong? Can I course-correct if needed?" The shift: Most decisions aren't permanent. You don't need to see the whole staircase—just take the first step.

The Bottom Line

You're not broken for overthinking. You're human.

But that need to control every outcome? It's crushing you.

You can't think your way to certainty. You can only build it by trusting yourself through uncertainty.

The people who are where you want to be didn't wait until they had it all mapped out. They trusted themselves to figure it out along the way.

Start today. Take one action that requires you to trust yourself instead of controlling the outcome.

That's where the real power is.

xoxo

Tonya

P.S. ONE thing you can do. TODAY. Without having everything figured out first.

Every time you catch yourself overthinking this week, ask: "What am I afraid of—and can I handle it if it happens?" (Spoiler: You can.)

Watch how everything shifts.

Ready to Stop Overthinking and Start Trusting Yourself?

I see you shaking your head...let's work together.

Email me at hello@tonyakay.co or book a strategy call, you'll be glad you took action and said YES to yourself.